Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, But They Unite on TikTok: How Millennial Husbands Are Leveraging TikTok to Decipher Their Wives

Save to Find It Later!

“My wife always brings up issues and when I give her solutions, she gets mad!” – said every husband ever. 

In the 90s, John Gray and his book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus shook up the relationship world. This famous metaphor, that is now even used as a Boomer joke amongst couples, highlighted that men and women evolve with distinct psychological differences. Think of it as speaking different languages. This makes it difficult for each gender to understand the other without awareness of that distinction. You need to know you are speaking different languages to be able to start translating. 

Though Gray’s attempt to resolve the discrepancies between men and women functionings was somewhat acknowledged, no-one can deny that, in 2023, men and women are still living on a different planet. Or are they?

It seems that 2023 has brought men and women closer by landing them on planet TikTok. Contrary to books in the 90s, which a lot of people never read, most Millennials in 2023 are on the platform. And millions are here to learn how to decipher their wives and improve their relationships. 

So how is TikTok bridging the gap between husbands and wives? Here’s everything you need to know about how Millennial husbands are leveraging TikTok to gain deep insights into their wives’ worlds. 

How Planet TikTok came to be

Though couple therapy usually ends up being what brings husbands and wives on the same planet (or not), TikTok has imposed itself as the step previous to seeing a professional. Well, sort of.

There is no doubt that Planet TikTok came to be from a mix of fed-up wives and confused husbands. With men posting comedy videos on what quirky behaviours their wives have and women posting videos about things their husbands don’t do, TikTok became the platform where both genders express themselves. And with those voices and common problems finally out there, that opened the doors to actually resolving them. 

With time, professionals have also taken over TikTok to provide highly acclaimed free advice. Take TherapyJeff, a licensed professional counselor, graduate in marriage and family therapy from the University of Southern California. With 2.8 millions of followers on the platform, his videos almost always hit a minimum of 100,000 views and accumulate over 77 millions of likes, comments, shares and saves. 

With topics on attachment styles, relationship tips and ways to ask for your needs to be met in a relationship, Jeff covers a wide range of issues most couples are deemed to encounter in their relationship. 

But since people on TikTok want to hear from other real people, it is husbands and wives who speak up on common relationship misunderstandings. Wives, on the one hand, started sharing videos, sometimes serious, sometimes funny, hoping to reach other women to feel less alone. 

On the other hand, husbands have also taken a view to share their findings and realizations with their fellow men. We’ll all admit that cracking the code of the other gender is not a small task. So once you have, it is natural that one would want to share it in turn with fellow struggling (and often clueless) husbands. Jay Shetty, and Steven Bartlett are two names that come to mind when thinking about men sharing the cracked code with other men. 

How Planet TikTok bridges the gap

With about 119,740,000 kilometres separating Mars and Venus, husbands and wives could not feel farther apart at times. Thankfully, TikTok offers to bridge the gap and bring them closer together. Here are three ways Millennial husbands are using to grow closer and deepen their connection with their wives.

Sharing is caring 

Voicing concerns and needs can be difficult in a relationship, especially for women. That comes from decades of societal pressure showing women they shouldn’t be too demanding, too pretty or too diva-like. One thing TikTok has allowed is for wives to recover their voices and be confident in the fact that their needs are not “too much”.  

As such, TikTok is allowing them to share relevant videos with their husbands. Whether it’s a video featuring another women explaining their behaviours and what impact it is intended to have on the relationship or a funny video about a quirky thing their husbands do, TikTok’s sharing feature comes to bridge the communication gap by allowing wives to share videos that represent their needs and concerns with their husbands.

Actually, comments complaining about the algorithm aren’t rare and often look like “show this on his for you page instead”, “show this to him instead”, “why is this on my fyi?”. 

There is comfort in numbers

Most people will take a one time critique with a grain of salt. However, if the same critique starts to be raised by several people or important enough people, the critique will be taken more seriously. The same applies to relationships. 

A wife bringing up an issue might appear as her being too needy or too demanding. However, seeing that other women would also expect the same standard she is asking for, more often than not, turn on a light bulb in most husbands’ heads.

More than anything else, it provides comfort for both partners as they can both get their feelings validated. Husbands understand it is common to misunderstand what their wives are trying to communicate which removes a layer of defensiveness and creates room for resolving the conflict. Wives are reassured that they are not too demanding while also being given the right words to reach their husbands. 

Men translating women

This might come across as a bit of a cliche but TikTok is bridging the communication gap by offering somewhat of a translation. When coming from two different planets, it makes sense that men and women speak different languages. What TikTok brings is a decipherer. A way to crack the code and to finally understand each other.

With men sharing their own experiences, they are able to explain to other men what their wives mean. They are men who have done the work and they are serving other men to help them do the same. Men who have cracked the code literally act as translators for those who are still clueless. The best part? They’re not clueless because they want to be. They are clueless because they don’t know (yet) that there is a code to crack. Once they do, they will pass to the other side.

As for those who decide that the code isn’t worth cracking, some of us call them red flags, and they should not be allowed to stick around.