6 Reasons to Never Visit Utah: Don’t Say We Didn’t Warn You!

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Ah, Utah. The home of the Mighty 5, the state that everyone gushes about, a paradise for nature lovers, a wonderland of rock formations. But let’s cut to the chase—it’s a trap!

This post is your friendly warning, a comedic effort to save you from an overwhelmingly beautiful travel choice because, believe it or not, there are some hilariously good reasons to maybe, just maybe, skip Utah from your travel plans. Imagine coming to look at some rocks and ending up wanting to road trip the whole state! We don’t want you to end up with a broken heart.

How did Eric and I come up with this life-altering advice? It came to us as we were road tripping across the state, laughing over our photos and joking about how Utah’s beauty is almost too much to handle. The truth hit us like a playful nudge – Utah, with its endless natural splendor, might just be an overload of the good stuff.

1. Utah has too many rocks

First of all, let’s talk about Utah’s absurd obsession with rocks. I mean, seriously, it’s like they collected all the rocks they could find and just dumped them there. You’ve got rocks of every size – tall ones, short ones, and even those sneaky mid-sized ones that you never see until you trip over them.

Want to see some grass? Forget it. Utah decided rocks were the new green. thankfully, Utah’s rock formations take different colors, but still! And who in their right mind would want to spend their day looking at rocks?

Oh, and watch out for those sly, dangerous rocks they call canyons. They’re just waiting to surprise you with their…majestic beauty? They even named Canyonlands National Park after canyons to try and lure you in. Ugh, how dare they!

2. Who even calls rocks fancy names?

If you thought looking at majestic rocks everywhere was a downside, imagine having to refer to those rocks with specific names. Utah really went overboard with naming rocks. They don’t just have rocks, they have ‘canyons’, ‘hoodoos’ like in Bryce Canyon, and ‘arches’ as if the Arches National Park wasn’t obvious enough.

It’s like every rock formation needed a fancy title to feel special. Did Utah think the rocks wouldn’t attract enough attention on their own? It’s almost as if grandiose national parks and rock formations weren’t enough to make geology sound cool. If you let them get you, it’s almost as if you’ll have learned something on your trip!

We get it Utah, you’re one of the best, if not the best. No need to brag so much. Next thing you know, they’ll be naming pebbles and giving tours of ‘The Grand Pebble Canyon’.

3. Utah’s beauty hurts too much

Moving on, let’s address the elephant in the room: Utah’s nature is just too beautiful. It’s like walking into a painting, except it’s everywhere and all the time. Trust us, Utah is so beautiful, it will hurt your heart and your brain. It will make you question your own existence and wonder why the world needed you when it already had so much beauty. It will make you feel free but also small.

The landscapes are so stunning, it’s frankly exhausting. Imagine waking up every day to a world where everything is picturesque. It gets old, fast.

Plus, it’s a bit offensive, isn’t it? This level of beauty is a personal attack on your hometown’s drabness. How dare Utah be so visually appealing and make everywhere else seem dull in comparison? The nerve!

4. Too many stunning national parks

And let’s talk about their national parks. Utah decided one wasn’t enough and went for a total overkill with Zion, Bryce, Capitol Reef, Arches, and Canyonlands National Parks. They even call themselves ‘The Mighty 5’. Talk about being obnoxious! It’s like that one friend who brags about every little thing. We get it, Utah, your parks are ‘mighty’. Now, tone it down a notch, will you? The rest of us are trying to enjoy our regular, non-mighty parks in peace.

The worst part? They’re all beautiful and offer amazing experiences. Talk about a hassle. Talk about hiking at sunrise in Arches for example. How does one ever recover from that magical spectacle?

5. Too many things to do, it’s easier to stay home

Planning a trip to Utah is an exercise in futility. With so much beauty, size, and an abundance of national parks, how does one even decide what to visit? It’s a logistical nightmare! Save yourself the headache and just stay home.

Why bother sorting through endless options of breathtaking landscapes and awe-inspiring natural wonders? It’s much easier to stay in your comfort zone, where the biggest decision is what TV show to binge-watch next.

6. You’ll never want to leave

Finally, if you do muster up the courage to visit Utah, be warned: you might fall into the Utah Trap. You won’t want to leave. With its excessive beauty, it becomes a real problem. Everywhere you look, there’s something more stunning to see, more trails to explore, more sunsets to watch. Deciding where to stay longer or if you ever get enough of Utah is a real dilemma. Be prepared: your couple of days in Utah might turn into a week long vacation and endless conversations about its beauty.

Spare yourself the heartbreak of leaving such a magical place. Stay home, where the only beauty you have to deal with is the occasional pretty cloud. Or should you?

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If you made it this far, we hope you got the joke! Of course you should visit Utah! Utah is one of our favorite US states to visit together. From national parks to local’s welcoming hearts, we had such a blast road tripping through Utah, it would be unbelievable for us to not recommend it.

From seeing the funnest things to do in Utah to going on a jeep tour around Moab, Utah is more than national parks too! So if you decide to risk it and take your chances in Utah, check out our travel guides here.