If Your Partner Does These, They Need A Reality check: 10 Things Your Partner Should Not Do

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In the world of relationships and dating, we often find ourselves caught up in dreaming about the qualities we desire in a partner and alert to the glaring red flags signaling potential trouble ahead. But nestled between these two extremes lies a gray area—behaviors that don’t necessarily scream “run for the hills” yet are far from what we should accept as standard.

Some of these used to be acceptable standards 50 years ago. But in the 21st Century, in a world where both men and women work a full time job and life is tougher by the minute, these are simply no longer acceptable.

These are not the deal-breakers that shatter a relationship in one fell swoop but rather the subtle, often overlooked actions that can erode the foundation of respect, love, and equality over time. They’re the habits that, if left unaddressed, could spell long-term dissatisfaction or even resentment.

So, as we navigate the complex dance of building and maintaining a healthy relationship, and avoiding red flags, it’s vital to be aware of these subtler signs that something’s amiss. From not sharing the load of household chores to undermining your dreams and ambitions, these behaviors require attention and, most importantly, fixing (from then, not from you).

Check out these 10 things your partner should not do in the 21st Century, shedding light on those ‘in-between’ issues that deserve your attention just as much as any red flag.

1. Relying Solely on Their Partner for Planning and Organization

In a healthy relationship, both partners should take part in planning and organizing life’s many aspects, whether it’s managing the household, caring for children, or planning social events. When one partner is left to handle all these tasks, it can lead to stress and resentment. Imagine it’s your anniversary: instead of waiting for your partner to plan something, why not surprise them for a change? Sharing these responsibilities shows that you value your partner’s time and efforts equally.

2. Expecting Their Partner to Perform All Household Chores

The idea that household chores are the sole responsibility of one partner, especially based on gender, is outdated. Modern relationships thrive on equality and cooperation. If you notice your partner always doing the laundry or dishes, offer to take turns or split the chores differently. This not only eases their burden but also reinforces the partnership’s equality. It’s about teamwork; the goal is to make life easier for each other, not to adhere to stereotypical roles.

3. Undermining Their Partner’s Abilities and Dreams

Everyone has dreams and aspirations, and having a supportive partner can make all the difference in achieving them. Telling your partner that their goals are unattainable not only hurts their feelings but can also hinder their potential for success. Encouragement and belief in each other’s capabilities are crucial. Instead of doubting, offer help, resources, or even just a listening ear. Your support could be the boost they need to reach their goals.

4. Diminishing Their Partner’s Value or Opinions

In a relationship, both partners should feel valued and heard. Dismissing or belittling your partner’s opinions can make them feel insignificant and undermine the relationship’s foundation. For instance, if you’re discussing holiday plans and you ignore your partner’s suggestions, it sends a message that their preferences don’t matter. Healthy communication involves listening, respecting each other’s viewpoints, and finding common ground or compromises when opinions differ.

5. Being Overdependent on Their Partner for Instructions

While it’s okay to ask for help, relying on your partner for information or instructions on tasks you could easily undertake yourself can be burdensome. For example, if you’re unsure how to cook a particular dish or fix something around the house, try looking it up online first before asking your partner. Taking initiative not only shows your independence but also respects your partner’s time and contributions to other areas of your shared life.

6. Dismissing or Invalidating Their Partner’s Feelings

Emotions play a significant role in a relationship, and how partners respond to each other’s feelings can either strengthen or weaken their bond. If your partner expresses sadness or frustration, acknowledging their feelings and offering support is crucial. Saying things like “You’re overreacting” or “It’s not a big deal” can make them feel misunderstood or unimportant. Empathy and understanding are key to maintaining a healthy emotional connection.

7. Making Major Decisions Unilaterally

Decisions that affect both partners or the family, such as moving to a new city or making a large purchase, should be made together. Making such decisions without your partner’s input can lead to feelings of disrespect and exclusion and even turn into a toxic relationship. Discussing these matters openly, considering each other’s opinions, and reaching a mutual agreement signifies respect and commitment to the relationship.

8. Disrespecting Their Partner’s Boundaries

Personal boundaries are essential in any relationship. They can range from needing alone time to how one engages with family and friends. Ignoring these boundaries can lead to conflict and resentment. For example, if your partner values quiet time after work to decompress, respect that need rather than insisting on immediate conversation. Understanding and respecting boundaries is a form of love and respect.

9. Neglecting Their Partner’s Need for Appreciation

Everyone wants to feel appreciated, especially by their partner. Failing to recognize your partner’s efforts, whether in their professional achievements, household contributions, or emotional support, can make them feel taken for granted. A simple “thank you” or a gesture of appreciation can go a long way. Celebrate their successes, acknowledge their hard work, and let them know how much you value what they do.

10. Prioritizing Their Own Needs and Interests Exclusively

A relationship is a partnership where both individuals’ needs and interests should be considered and respected. Always putting your needs first without considering your partner’s can lead to imbalance and dissatisfaction. For instance, choosing a vacation spot based solely on your preferences without consulting your partner is unfair. Finding a balance, compromising, and taking turns in making decisions are important in creating a harmonious and fulfilling relationship.

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