11 Mistakes Couples Make During An Argument
11 Mistakes Couples Make During An Argument
Navigating arguments as a new or long term couple can be challenging and make you feel all sorts of emotions. That’s totally normal! Arguing with your partner is a skill which, if mastered right, can make your relationship flourish and last forever. Here are 11 mistakes most couples make during an argument and why you should avoid them.
1. Getting Defensive
When we get defensive, it’s like putting up a wall between us and our partner. It happens when we take things too personally, almost as if we’re saying, “I’m the problem.” But getting defensive only escalates the argument. Instead of defending our ego, it’s more helpful to listen, understand, and address the issue together. Remember, it’s not you against your partner; it’s both of you against the problem.
2. Focusing on Who is Right
Arguing about who’s right turns a potentially productive conversation into a pointless battle. The goal isn’t to win but to understand each other and find a way to mend the situation. When we focus on being right, we miss the chance to be loving and supportive. Next time, try to shift the focus from winning the argument to repairing the bond between you.
3. Not Seeing the Other Person’s Perspective
One of the biggest mistakes during an argument is not trying to see things from your partner’s viewpoint. It’s easy to be so caught up in our feelings that we forget to consider what our partner might be going through. Taking a moment to understand their perspective can change the whole dynamic of the conversation and lead to a more empathetic and productive resolution.
4. Leaving the Room Without Explaining Why
Suddenly leaving the room during an argument can make your partner feel abandoned and escalate the conflict. If you need space to cool down, it’s important to communicate that. Simply saying, “I need a moment to calm down,” can prevent misunderstandings and show your partner that you’re committed to resolving the issue.
5. Not Taking a Minute to Breathe Separately
Not every disagreement needs to be resolved immediately. Sometimes, taking a brief time apart to breathe and collect your thoughts can prevent the argument from worsening. This pause allows both partners to calm down, reflect, and approach the situation more rationally, making it easier to find a solution together.
6. Throwing Words You Don’t Mean
In the heat of the moment, we might say things we don’t mean. These words can hurt and leave a lasting impact. It’s crucial to be mindful of our words and resist the urge to say something hurtful out of anger. Remember, words can’t be taken back, and they can deeply wound the ones we love.
7. Picking on Old Events That Aren’t Relevant
Bringing up past issues that aren’t related to the current argument can derail the conversation and prevent you from addressing the real issue at hand. It’s important to stay focused on the topic and not use the argument as an opportunity to list every past grievance. This approach ensures that you’re working towards solving the current problem, not reliving old ones.
8. Getting Mad If One Brings Up a Past Event That Is Relevant
While it’s unhelpful to dredge up irrelevant past issues, there are times when past events are directly related to the current argument. In these cases, it’s important to listen and understand why your partner is still hurt. Offering reassurance and acknowledging their feelings can help heal old wounds and strengthen your relationship.
9. Not Reassuring the Other Person
Arguments can leave us feeling vulnerable and uncertain about our relationship. It’s crucial to reassure your partner of your commitment and love, even in the midst of a disagreement. This reassurance can be a calming balm that helps both partners feel secure and loved, reminding them that the relationship is strong enough to withstand conflict.
10. Not Asserting Love for the Person
Forgetting to affirm your love during an argument can make your partner feel unloved and alone. It’s important to express your love and commitment, even when you’re upset. A simple “I love you, but I’m upset about this issue” can make a big difference, reinforcing the bond between you despite the disagreement.
11. Bringing Up Issues in the Wrong Tone
How you bring up an issue is just as important as what you’re discussing. If it’s the first time you’re addressing something, try to communicate your feelings without blaming your partner. Approaching the conversation with a calm, non-accusatory tone can prevent your partner from becoming defensive and open the door to a more constructive dialogue.
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We are Mary and Eric, the founders of Be Right Back, a blog dedicated to romance around the globe and at home.
We are Mary and Eric, the founders of Be Right Back, a blog dedicated to romance around the globe and at home. With over 10 years of experience in dating and traveling to romantic places, we share our favorite date ideas and romantic destinations to help couples level up their relationships. Having lived in and traveled through the USA, we also share our favourite things to do in the States.
With 70,000 monthly readers and 16,000 followers on social media, Be Right Back is your go-to resource for romantic trip ideas and couple activities at home and abroad.