12 Things Brits and Americans Do Completely Differently When Someone Dies

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When someone dies, every culture has its own ways of handling the grief and the ceremonies that follow. Today, we’re looking at how Brits and Americans approach death and mourning differently. From the clothes they wear to how they talk about death with their children, these differences can be quite striking. Let’s explore these customs and see how two cultures separate by an ocean handle mourning in their unique ways.

1. Funeral traditions

In the UK, funerals are often characterized by their formality. Brits typically opt for a somber, traditional service with hymns and readings. In contrast, American funerals can vary widely but tend to be more personalized. This might include playing favourite songs of the deceased or sharing memories and anecdotes about their life. The tone can range from very formal to more relaxed and celebratory, depending on the wishes of the deceased and their family.

2. Wakes and wakes at home

Wakes in the UK traditionally involve a gathering at a family home or a local pub where attendees can drink and remember the deceased. The event is typically right before or after the funeral. Americans, on the other hand, might refer to this gathering as a viewing or a visitation, which usually happens at a funeral home. It’s a time when family and friends can see the deceased one last time and offer their condolences to the family.

3. Black clothing expectations

Wearing black to a funeral is a steadfast tradition in the UK, reflecting the solemnity of the occasion. In the US, while black remains a common choice, it’s becoming more acceptable to wear other colors, especially if specified by the family or detailed in the wishes of the deceased. This shift reflects a broader American approach to funerals as a celebration of life rather than strictly a mourning event.

4. Sympathy cards

Sending sympathy cards is common in both cultures, but there are nuances. Americans often send cards that include personal messages, anecdotes, or even money as a gesture of support. In the UK, cards tend to be more formal and reserved, focusing on offering condolences and often accompanied by flowers or a donation request to a charity favored by the deceased.

5. Funeral directors

Both Brits and Americans utilize funeral directors, but their roles can differ. In the UK, funeral directors often take a more directive role, handling many aspects of funeral planning to ensure traditions are adhered to. In the US, while funeral directors also provide comprehensive services, there’s typically more room for families to be involved in the planning process, making decisions about the service that reflect the personality of the deceased.

6. Memorial services

Memorial services in the US are often less formal and can take place weeks or even months after the death, allowing more time for distant relatives to attend. They may not always involve the remains and can be held in various places, reflecting personal touches. In contrast, British memorial services are usually closely tied to the funeral and are more likely to follow traditional religious formats.

7. Flowers at funerals

In both countries, flowers play an important role in funerals, but the customs differ. In the UK, it’s common for the family to organize a main floral tribute, while additional flowers are often restrained and subdued. In the US, sending flowers is seen as a way to express love and grief, often resulting in a more diverse and colorful array of floral arrangements at the service.

8. Workplace bereavement traditions

The approach to bereavement leave can differ significantly. In the UK, employees are entitled to ‘reasonable’ time off for dependents, a term that is broadly defined, but not always paid. In the US, the specifics can vary widely depending on the workplace, with some offering paid bereavement leave while others do not. There’s no federal mandate for bereavement leave in the US, making it less uniform.

9. Talking about death with children

British families tend to be more reserved when discussing death with children, often using euphemisms and focusing on the cycle of life. American families might approach this conversation with more openness, encouraging questions and expressing emotions freely. This can help children understand and cope with the concept of death more directly.

10. Memorial gatherings

Memorial gatherings in the US are often casual and can vary from backyard barbecues to more structured events at a deceased’s favorite location. This reflects a celebration of the person’s life. In the UK, these gatherings are usually more reserved, focusing on remembrance and often taking place in quieter settings like a church hall or a family home.

11. How long mourning is considered appropriate

The duration of mourning is culturally prescribed in both places but with flexibility. In the UK, a period of mourning might be observed more strictly, with set periods for wearing black and limiting social and festive activities. In the US, the mourning period is typically less defined, with individuals returning to daily routines at their own pace, guided more by personal feelings than societal expectations.