70 Questions to Ask Before Marriage To Avoid Making a Mistake

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Marriage is one of the biggest commitments you’ll ever make, so it only makes sense to have the important conversations first. Asking the right questions before tying the knot is not about avoiding conflict; it’s about understanding each other on a deeper level. It’s also about making the right decision for the future and ensuring you’re both on the same page and willing to evolve together. I always think that being open and honest about your expectations, values, and dreams can help you both feel more confident about the future.

This list isn’t about creating a checklist to tick off; it’s about starting meaningful conversations. From discussing finances and future goals to exploring how you both handle challenges, these questions are designed to lay the foundation for a happy marriage and ensuring you know what you’re getting into. Whether you’re just starting the journey toward engagement or are already planning your wedding, these questions can help guide you.

Each section focuses on a key part of your relationship, so you can really dig into what matters most. I’ve kept the questions straightforward and easy to ask, because let’s face it, these conversations should feel natural, not like an interview.

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Questions About Relationship Dynamics

Marriage is a huge commitment, one that can feel natural but also one that many people fall into without realizing what they are actually getting into. Knowing how your partner envisage relationship dynamics is essential to know what your roles and positions are going to be.

1. How do you usually handle disagreements or arguments? For example, if I disagreed about the chore dynamics, how would you handle it?
2. What’s your love language, and how can I show love in a way that’s meaningful to you?
3. What makes you feel appreciated in a relationship?
4. How do you prefer to spend quality time together?
5. Do you think it’s important to share hobbies or have separate interests? For example, if I wanted to go to a yoga class three times a week, would you be okay with that?
6. How would you react if I brought up something you do that I don’t like?
7. What’s your preferred way to communicate when something is bothering you?
8. Do you think we should have regular check-ins about our relationship?
9. How do you feel about public displays of affection?
10. What’s one thing you think makes our relationship strong?

Questions About Future Goals

Knowing what your partner think about the future is quite essential. Imagine being a country girl and marrying someone who cant imagine living anywhere else than the city…Or imagine having lots of goals and your partner turning out to be someone with zero goals. It’s better to know these things beforehand. Plus, there is nothing worse than someone who “just doesn’t know”.

1. Where do you see yourself living long-term, city, suburbs, or countryside?
2. How do you feel about moving for work or family in the future?
3. What are your career aspirations over the next five to ten years?
4. Do you envision us traveling frequently, or are you more of a homebody?
5. What personal goals are you working toward, and how can I support them?
6. How do you feel about continuing education or learning new skills as a couple?
7. What kind of lifestyle do you picture us having in five years?
8. How do you imagine spending weekends or free time once we’re married?
9. What’s one dream or goal you’ve always had for yourself that you want to share with me?
10. How do you think we should celebrate milestones in our lives together?

Questions About Finances

Being married to someone who has no clue how to manage finances can become a real problem with disastrous consequences on your life. Talking about it before marriage will allow you to flag any issue early enough.

1. How do you usually handle budgeting and saving money?
2. What are your thoughts on combining finances, keeping them separate, or doing a mix of both?
3. How do you feel about debt, and do you currently have any financial obligations I should know about?
4. What’s your approach to saving for big purchases or future goals?
5. How do you typically spend money on things like hobbies or entertainment?
6. What’s your view on creating a joint emergency fund?
7. How do you feel about investing or planning for retirement together?
8. Do you prefer to spend money on experiences or material things?
9. How do you feel about borrowing money from or lending to family or friends?
10. Would you want to get married and merge all of our belongings together or do you prefer that we each keep what we own separate?

Questions About Family and Children

Not everyone wants to have children, not everyone can. Talking about it, your dreams and making sure you can be real partners in difficult and joyous times is reassuring.

1. How do you feel about having children, and if so, how many?
2. What’s your ideal timeline for starting a family, if that’s something we want?
3. How do you think parenting responsibilities should be divided?
4. What’s your relationship like with your family, and how involved do you expect them to be in our lives?
5. Are you aware of your own childhood traumas/things your parents did that we could do different?
6. How do you feel about non-violent parenting techniques?
7. How do you want to handle disagreements about parenting styles?
8. What values or lessons do you think are most important to teach children?
9. How do you feel about having pets, and should they be part of our family plan?
10. What’s one childhood memory that shapes how you’d like to raise a family?

Questions About Personal Values and Beliefs

1. How important is religion or spirituality in your life, and how do you see it fitting into our relationship?
2. What are your thoughts on charitable giving or volunteering as a couple?
3. How do you define loyalty in a relationship?
4. What’s one moral or ethical value you believe is non-negotiable in our marriage?
5. How do you feel about blending or respecting different cultural traditions?
6. What’s your approach to handling big moral disagreements?
7. How do you think we should handle disagreements about political or social issues?
8. What’s one thing you admire about my values that aligns with your own?
9. How do you envision us supporting each other during difficult times?
10. What does personal growth mean to you, and how can we encourage it in each other?

Questions About Intimacy and Expectations

1. How do you feel about setting aside regular time for date nights or romantic getaways?
2. What’s your love language when it comes to physical affection?
3. How do you feel about maintaining personal space or hobbies within a marriage?
4. What are your thoughts on keeping romance alive in the long term?
5. How do you feel about sharing responsibilities to reduce stress and stay connected?
6. What does intimacy mean to you beyond physical connection?
7. How do you usually show affection, and how do you like to receive it?
8. What are your thoughts on how often we should discuss our needs and expectations in the relationship?
9. How do you feel about surprises or spontaneous gestures of love?
10. What’s one romantic memory we’ve shared that you’d love to recreate?