Ways To Respond To Ghosting And Deal With The Pain

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There is a reason why it’s common knowledge that communication is the key to a long-lasting and healthy relationship: it’s because no-one can guess what others are thinking, especially at the beginning of a relationship!

Relationships, especially at the dating stage, can be difficult to navigate with signals are to decipher. Add to this the usual dating stress, lack of self-confidence that comes with it. There’s no need for unclear communication on top of that.

Unfortunately, unclear communication is queen in today’s dating world. And that includes ghosting.

According to the Oxford Dictionary, ghosting is defined as “the practice of ending a personal relationship with somebody by suddenly stopping all communication without explanation”.

Social media hasn’t helped of course and ghosting has become even more of a thing with all our apps!

If you’ve been ghosted, don’t worry, we’ve got you! Here’s everything you should know about ghosting, how to respond to it and how to deal with it.

Ways to Respond to Ghosting

Don’t Chase

When someone decides to ghost you, it’s natural to feel upset and want to reach out for answers. However, it’s essential to resist the urge to chase after them. If you’ve already expressed your interest in continuing to see each other and they’re not responding, it’s time to take a step back.

Remember, maintaining your dignity is far more important than engaging in a “chase me” game. Recognize your self-worth and understand that anyone worth your time would communicate openly and honestly with you. Here are a few points to remember:

• Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.
• Chasing after someone who is ghosting you can further hurt your self-esteem.
• It’s better to invest your energy in people who appreciate and reciprocate your feelings.

Don’t Go Looking for Closure

Seeking closure from someone who has ghosted you might seem like the right step to move on, but it’s often a fruitless endeavor. The harsh truth is that individuals who ghost are usually not equipped to provide the kind of closure you’re seeking.

Their inability to communicate their feelings or reasons for disappearing is a reflection of their immaturity, not your worth or the quality of the relationship. Here are some important takeaways:

• Closure is something you can give yourself through acceptance and moving forward.
• Looking for closure from someone who ghosted you might lead to more pain and confusion. They might even try to gaslight you, which is yet another red flag…it’s just not worth it!
• Focus on self-care and surround yourself with supportive friends and family to help you heal and find closure within yourself.

How to Deal With Your Emotions After Being Ghosted

1. Acknowledge It Hurts

Being ghosted is like a punch to the gut. It’s tough acknowledging that you have feelings for someone who seems not to care enough to communicate with you. But here’s the thing: it’s perfectly okay to feel hurt. Your emotions are valid, and feeling upset doesn’t mean you’ve made a mistake in caring for them. Embrace your feelings without judgment. Remember:

• It’s natural to feel hurt when someone you’re interested in disappears without explanation.
• Admitting that it’s painful doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human.
• Allow yourself to feel these emotions; suppressing them only makes it harder to move on.

2. Remember It’s Not About You

When someone ghosts you, it’s easy to fall into the trap of self-blame. However, it’s crucial to understand that ghosting says more about them than it does about you. People who ghost often do so out of immaturity, fear of confrontation, or simply laziness. None of these reasons should reflect on your self-worth. Keep these points in mind:

• Ghosting reflects the ghoster’s inability to deal with their own issues, not your worthiness.
• It’s a lack of communication skills and maturity on their part, not a deficiency in you.
• Remind yourself that these are not traits you would want in a partner anyway.

3. You’re Worth More Than That

Remembering your worth in the face of ghosting is crucial. You should never have to beg for communication or clarity from someone who cares about you.

Recognize your value and the standards you hold for a partner. There are countless people in the world that would love you the right way, so settling for someone who can’t communicate is far below what you deserve. Consider these thoughts:

• Your worth is not diminished by someone else’s inability to appreciate it.
• Stand firm on your non-negotiables in a relationship; clear communication is fundamental.
• The world is vast, with plenty of people who will meet and exceed your standards.

4. Celebrate

Yes, celebrate. It might sound odd, but being ghosted early on is a blessing in disguise. It’s a clear indication that the person wasn’t right for you, and recognizing this sooner rather than later saves you from further emotional investment and potential hurt. Celebrating might look like:

• Acknowledging that you dodged a bullet and saved yourself from a potentially toxic relationship.
• Taking the opportunity to focus on yourself and what truly makes you happy.
• Seeing ghosting as a filter that weeds out individuals who don’t match your emotional and communication needs.

Not Sure You Got Ghosted? Signs You’re Being Ghosted

Sometimes, it’s hard to tell if you’re being ghosted or if the person is just genuinely busy. If you’re in a situation where you’re not sure what’s happening, here are some signs that might indicate you’re being ghosted:

1. They’ve gone quiet: If it’s been a while since you’ve heard from them, and your attempts to reach out have been met with silence, it’s a sign.
2. They stopped answering your texts: When your texts start to feel like they’re being sent into a void, with no replies coming back, it’s a red flag.
3. They are avoiding your calls: If they don’t pick up your calls anymore and don’t bother to call you back, it’s indicative of ghosting.
4. They are ignoring your follow-ups: When even your follow-up messages or calls get no response, it’s a clear sign that something is off.
5. Suddenly, They’re Always Busy: If they’ve gone from being available to suddenly having no time for you, it’s worth questioning.
6. They’re popping in and out: They disappear from your life and then reappear as if nothing happened, never maintaining consistent communication.
7. Early Warning Signs: Pay attention to early behaviors that might indicate a predisposition to ghost, such as:
   • Making promises to see you but never setting a date.
   • Only responding to your texts or calls but never initiating contact on their own.
   • Going quiet for periods of time but expecting you to be there when they decide to reach back out.

What to Do When a Guy Who Ghosted You Comes Back

It’s a confusing and often frustrating situation when someone who ghosted you decides to re-enter your life. It’s important to navigate this scenario with both your heart and mind. Here’s how to approach it:

Excuses That Are Acceptable

Occasionally, ghosting can stem from genuinely overwhelming circumstances, though this is rare. It’s critical to distinguish between serial ghosters, who often lack maturity, and those who faced real crises. Valid reasons for ghosting might include:

• Intense family drama, such as domestic violence or a death in the family.
• Serious medical issues that required immediate and full attention.

In these instances, it’s understandable that sending a text might not be the first thing on someone’s mind. However, it’s also worth noting:

• Most people have access to a cellphone and can send a brief message about being unavailable due to an urgent situation.
• Evaluate their explanation with empathy but also critically assess whether it aligns with your expectations for communication and respect in a relationship.

No Other Valid Reason to Take the Person Back

Aside from the significant and immediate life crises mentioned, there are few justifiable reasons for ghosting that merit taking someone back. It’s essential to:

• Consider the pattern of their behavior and whether this instance of ghosting is a one-off situation or indicative of a recurring pattern.
• Reflect on your self-worth and whether re-engaging with someone who previously ghosted you aligns with your values and what you deserve in a relationship.
• Remember, trust and communication are foundational to any healthy relationship. Assess if this person’s return and their reasons for ghosting and coming back can genuinely rebuild or establish trust.

What To Text Someone That Ghosted You And Is Trying To Come Back?

If a person that ghosted you is trying to come back, don’t get fooled, stand your grounds and text them this back:

“Hey! I’ve moved on and I’m no longer interested in hanging out with you, [optional: because I only date guys that are consistent in their pursuit.] Good luck for the future“

Forget about “I’m glad you’re doing okay” or adding “unfortunately” to your “I’ve moved on”. The situation is actually fortunate that you’ve dodged a bullet. It also doesn’t matter if he is doing okay or not. It’s no longer your problem.

You’re also not obligated to add the reason why you’re no longer interested, hence the brackets. You don’t owe them an explanation after the way they treated you!

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