Don’t Say We Didn’t Warn You! 6 Cheeky Reasons Not To Travel The USA ❌

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Welcome to our tongue-in-cheek guide that brings you back to earth from the overwhelming allure of the USA! Yes, you heard it right. In a world where travel brochures and Instagram feeds are bursting with the breathtaking beauty of the United States, from the sun-kissed beaches of California to the majestic peaks of the Rockies, we felt it was our solemn duty to play the devil’s advocate. Why? Because sometimes, things can be too perfect, too beautiful, too… American!

So, buckle up as we take a hilarious detour from the usual travel narratives. We’re about to dive into some cheekily crafted, absolutely not-serious reasons why you might want to reconsider packing your bags for the land of the free and the home of the brave. Think of this as your lighthearted reality check, a playful poke at the overwhelming charms of the USA that travel magazines won’t tell you about.

From the trauma of too many awe-inspiring sights that might just leave you in a state of perpetual astonishment, to the peculiar quirks that make America uniquely American (yes, we’re looking at those strangely designed toilets), we’ve got you covered. So, let’s embark on this journey of humorous enlightenment, where each reason to not visit the USA is as whimsically absurd as believing that apple pie is a vegetable. Prepare to chuckle, ponder, and maybe even nod along – all in good fun, of course!

1. Too Beautiful It Hurts

You shouldn’t visit the USA because you’ll suffer from ‘Beauty Overload Syndrome’! Seriously, it’s a thing. Imagine walking through the breathtaking landscapes of the Grand Canyon, only to realize your jaw can’t physically handle dropping that often. Or picture yourself strolling through the vibrant streets of New York City, where the dazzling lights and bustling energy are so intense, you might need to wear sunglasses at night.

Visiting the USA should come with a warning label: “May cause intense aesthetic pain.” From the majestic tones of the Grand Canyon’s vast expanse to the soothing turquoise waters of Florida, the country’s varied landscapes are just too beautiful. It’s like walking into a live painting that’s so vivid and overwhelming, it physically hurts. Why subject yourself to such exquisite pain? Imagine standing before the awe-inspiring vistas of Yosemite, tears streaming down your face, not from joy, but because the beauty is just too much to handle.

Your heart might ache with the realization that such splendor exists, and you were living without it. It’s a cruel, beautiful world out there in the USA, and frankly, who needs that kind of emotional turmoil?

2. Too Many Options

The United States is like a never-ending buffet, but instead of food, it’s filled with an overwhelming array of travel options. It’s a place where the sheer number of choices can induce decision paralysis – the kind that leaves you staring blankly at a map, unable to pick a destination. This land offers a trip for everyone and every mood, but the catch? You’ll almost certainly never be able to see it all, and that’s a heartbreaker.

For the outdoor enthusiast, there are majestic mountains to climb, sprawling national parks to explore, and thrilling trails to conquer. If you’re more of a beach bum, the sun-kissed shores of Hawaii beckon with their laid-back vibe and stunning sunsets. Or perhaps you’re intrigued by the idea of a rejuvenating soak in the natural hot springs of Idaho. The diversity of landscapes and experiences in the USA is staggering, ranging from the urban jungle of New York City to the serene deserts of Arizona.

But with great options come great dilemmas. Do you chase the northern lights in Alaska or dive into the cultural melting pot of New Orleans? Should you embark on a road trip along the iconic Route 66 or sail around the scenic coasts of Maine? And let’s not forget the various festivals, concerts, historical landmarks, and culinary adventures scattered across the country.

The challenge is real. Every choice leads to a path not taken, a place not seen. It’s a bittersweet realization that no matter how long your vacation, you can’t possibly experience everything the USA has to offer. This abundance of choices is a cruel reminder of our limited time and resources. Who needs that kind of stress on a holiday, right? It’s almost easier to stay home and avoid the agonizing process of deciding where to go in a land where every corner promises a new adventure.

Which National Park Are You? Take Our Quiz!

3. Gaps in the Toilet Stalls

If you thought the gender gap was an issue, wait till you see the gaps in American toilet stalls. We’re talking a few inches between the door and the wall, making privacy more of a suggestion than a rule. It’s an architectural mystery that many have pondered. Why are these gaps so wide? Is it ventilation, safety, or just a quirky American design choice? Whatever the reason, get ready to perform your bathroom duties with a potential audience. It’s like a weird reality show nobody signed up for. So, if you prefer your bathroom experience to be a solo act, the USA might just be your stage fright nightmare.

4. Too Much Wildlife

Venturing into the USA, be prepared for a wild encounter at every corner – literally! This land is a bonafide animal kingdom, from the bison and moose roaming the vast plains of Idaho to the majestic bears in Sequoia National Park and the charming manatees in Florida’s waters. It’s a full-scale safari, American style.

Now, imagine casually hiking and stumbling upon a herd of bison, their massive presence enough to make you feel like you’ve stepped into a prehistoric era. Or, picture this: you’re enjoying a peaceful picnic, and a curious deer decides to join you. Let’s not even talk about the thrill of spotting a bear in its natural habitat – an encounter that’s equal parts exhilarating and terrifying. And if you’re near water, be prepared for the friendly manatees, who might just pop up to say hello.

The issue? This wildlife situation is out of control! It’s like Mother Nature decided to put all her best creatures in one place. You’re constantly at risk of these once-in-a-lifetime wildlife encounters. Do you really want to spend your vacation in a constant state of awe and surprise? It’s a relentless parade of natural wonder and animal charisma. It’s not for the faint of heart. You’ll need to brace yourself for the emotional rollercoaster of being this close to nature’s finest. Are you ready to face that risk? Because in the USA, nature isn’t just a backdrop; it’s the main event!

5. You’ll Traumatize Your Taste Buds

The culinary diversity of the USA is a cruel joke on your taste buds. From the smoky flavors of American BBQ to the tangy delight of lobster rolls, seafood chowder, and blueberry muffins, it’s not just about burgers and fries. The real trauma begins when you head back home and realize nothing compares to the authentic flavors you indulged in. It’s a taste bud tragedy waiting to happen. Each bite is a reminder that you’re spoiling your palate for the mundane flavors of home. Do you really want to live with the memory of that perfect Texas brisket or the Maine lobster roll that ruined all other seafood for you? Think of the emotional and gastronomical turmoil you’re signing up for!

Which American Food Are You? Take Our Quiz!

6. You’ll Never Want to Leave

The USA is like that party you never want to leave because there’s always more happening. More charming small towns with their unique lore, more bustling cities with endless nightlife, more pristine national parks beckoning for adventure, and an infinite number of road trips on scenic routes. It’s a never-ending story of discovery and fun. The real danger is that you might get so caught up in the American dream of exploration that the thought of leaving becomes unbearable. The USA has a way of ensnaring your wanderlust and holding it hostage. Are you prepared to visit a country where the most significant risk is wanting to become a part of its endless story?

Pack your bags (or maybe don’t) for the USA at your own risk but don’t say we didn’t warn you!

I hope you have enjoyed this cheeky look at why the US can be a dangerous destination. Actually, there are actual dangers there! Check out the most deadly US national parks and what to do to stay safe when visiting. Before you pack your bags forthe USA, make sure you check out our list here of similarly cheeky reasons why you should never travel to Utah!

For more serious reasons, here are reasons to visit the USA next and here are some more reasons to visit another state.

Mary and Eric

We are Mary and Eric, the founders of Be Right Back, a blog dedicated to romance around the globe and at home.

We are Mary and Eric, the founders of Be Right Back, a blog dedicated to romance around the globe and at home. With over 10 years of experience in dating and traveling to romantic places, we share our favorite date ideas and romantic destinations to help couples level up their relationships. Having lived in and traveled through the USA, we also share our favourite things to do in the States.

With 70,000 monthly readers and 16,000 followers on social media, Be Right Back is your go-to resource for romantic trip ideas and couple activities at home and abroad.